Don't Get Stuck in a Negative Response to Stress!

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Don't Get Stuck in a Negative Response to Stress!

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Happiness is made of little moments, little choices. 

Happiness is when you decide to smile in the morning and focus on the positive instead of the negative.

Happiness is when you let go of what is not serving you: a toxic relationship, a dismissive belief, an old story...

Happiness is a reminder to you that you are perfectly imperfect. That pain is inevitable but that you control the suffering this pain creates in you and around you.

Sometimes life happens and you crumble under pressure. Too much work, too much stress, not enough money, feeling lonely. When this happens, it's natural to react in two different ways: you can feel like a victim and feel sad, even depressed or you can feel angry and fight. That's what we often describe as the freeze, fight, fly response.
Getting a "negative" or "catabolic" response to the stress of life is not the problem. The problem is How much are you staying stuck in this response? 

If you have been stuck for way too long, it may be time to do something about it. There are many tools to move up on the scale from catabolic to anabolic energy.*

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The number one tool is to feel and acknowledge your feelings. 

You have the right to feel the way you feel and beating yourself up for feeling that way won't help. So feel it and then let go. Fighting the feeling will actually increase it over time and even if you can forget about it for a while, it will reappear later on in your life when you least expect it. 

Obviously there is more than one tool to release stress: EFT or Tapping, Therapeutic shaking, exercise, walking in nature, meditation and so many more. 

One thing I do every day is to ask myself, how do I feel today? And if there is something to address, I address the feeling right away, before it becomes a monster. 

Breathing, Feeling, Smiling! Have a FabYOUlicious day :)

 

*The Energy Pyramid is an excerpt from my book Renaissance Woman: A Feminine Midlife Crisis from Loss of identity to rebirth. Order your copy of the book here.

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Welcome 2017

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Welcome 2017

Welcome to this New Year. Welcome to New dreams. Letting go of the past. Nothing can be changed anymore. it's behind us and a bright new future is ahead. 

Every year starts with a smile and a hope that this year will be different, that we will loose this extra weight, make this extra income, run that marathon or achieve the dream we never reached. Each year we are full of hope and resolutions and most of the time we let those resolution slip through our fingers way too quickly. 

Want real change? Here are  my 5 secrets to get there:

  1. Be grateful of what was good in 2016. Let get of what was bad. After all it's behind you.
  2. Embrace the unknown. Every day I see people afraid of this blank page in front of them. Don't worry. If you have a blank page, it's for you to draw or write anything you want on it.
  3. Don't try to change everything at once. Not everything has to change on one day. You can choose your new beginning any time you want.
  4. Take the time to feel why you want to change something. Find the first steps you need to take. Embrace the way you will feel once you achieve your goal. Wanting is not enough. You have to feel it in your guts.
  5. Reach out for help. Find an accountability partner. Hire a Coach. Sign up with this trainer. Sometimes it's easier when you have a team by your side.  
     

You can do it!!! Get started .... Welcome 2017. You're going to be amazing.
What are your dreams for 2017? Please let me know :)

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The STRESS of Heartbreak!!!!!

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The STRESS of Heartbreak!!!!!

We all feel stressed at one point or another of our life. But it’s fair to say that considering divorce or dealing with the aftermath of one is very high in the scale of stress. For some it can even be one of the most stressful event they will ever experience.

 If you want to know how you tend to react to stress and how you can react differently, this article is for you.

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What if there was no coincidence?

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What if there was no coincidence?

Going in the middle of the afternoon to my local supermarket. 4 lines opened. All packed. I choose to stand behind an older man who has just a boxed meal in his cart. The woman in front of him has a full cart but it should not take that long…. Or maybe it should. Couple minutes pass. We still don’t move.

As we are complaining that we chose the wrong lane, he starts sharing with me that he comes here every day to get his dinner. His wife of 40 years passed last April and since then he barely can get out of the house once a day to get one meal. They have no kid, no family members. They were all for each other and I just stay there listening to him as he tells me about the last week of her life, the funeral by himself, and then that, a life he doesn’t know what to do about.

I listen and then ask him what type of woman she was. His eyes light up as he tells me how they met as he retired as a Navy officer. He was probably a strong guy and she was this outgoing bubbly woman who liked to buy nice dresses :). He smiles thinking of her and they tears comes to his eyes. It’s so hard to see a grown up man cry in silence. He tells me he is good with computer, that he once had a company and maybe he should try to do something. One step at a time.

Today was his day to share with a perfect stranger. The line didn’t move for over 10 minute and none of us moved to the next lane that was now empty. My role was just to hold space for him. His role was to be vulnerable and say his pain. There are sometime as an emotional healer the most generous gift you can share is the gift of your time, undivided attention and listen the person in pain.

As I am launching my program Heartbreak 911, I realize that this encounter was not coincidence. A way for him to express his feeling, a way for me to get a dose of humility and recognize that sometimes there is nothing I can do beyond being present as a human being.
A perfect encounter. 

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Sculpting Women Inside-Out

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Sculpting Women Inside-Out

I approach the clay with no judgment. Only one intention: to express beauty. 
For the past 16 years, I have been the sculptor of women. Feeling women, Emotional Women, Sassy Women, Women in bronze and in stone. Every time I touch the clay, i can see the potential in this block of 10 by 10 by 18. Who will she be? Will she be an happy one, a pensive one. How can express what is inside of her? How can I express her message? 

So I let her talk and I listen. The silences being as meaningful as the words. I listen to her pains and her struggles, i listen to her fear of not being enough or of being too much. I listen to her perfectly imperfect expression and I let her live her full potential. I send her love. I send her peace. I send her life. And here she is. 

For the past 16 years, I have been the sculptor of women. And more recently I discovered that I could help those women sculpt themselves. Sculpt their dream. Sculpt their future. Sculpt their feeling. Sculpt the perfectly imperfect being they are and find joy, love and peace within themselves. Find this sassy attitude knowing that they are enough. Be okay being who they are day after day.

This is where Sculpture by Fab and FabYOUlicious come together as one.

If you would like, come to see us this weekend 1691 Grant Road in Mountain View as part as my Open Studio. Friday May 20 , 6-9pm, Saturday May 21 and Sunday May 22,  11am to 5pm.
 

With Love, 
Fab

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Sometimes dreams do come true

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Sometimes dreams do come true

Few years ago when I started my journey to become a Core Energy Coach and Hypnotherapist I had to write down what I wanted my life to look like in the future. 
All the things I dreamt of on that day became true one after the other except for one: I wanted to speak on a big stage and be an inspiring leader. 

This weekend this dream is becoming true. 
I was invited to speak at the Ultimate Woman Expo this coming weekend

October 3-4, 2015 | San Mateo Event Center (On the SF Peninsula)
Saturday 10AM ~ 5PM and Sunday 11AM ~ 5PM

Join me on stage Saturday October 3rd at 2pm. The title of my talk, of course is:

Date like a French Lady: the best secrets to get the relationship you want and deserve.

I will be there all weekend long to sign copy of my book Renaissance Woman and to get to meet all of you. 
Of course my friend and amazing Jeweler Elisabeth Michel will present her most recent creations and few of my Sassy Ladies might even join the fun. 

Do not miss this great event.!

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The romance of Self-Discovery

Yesterday, a good friend shared with me this poem. 

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”  
― Portia NelsonThere's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery

He promised himself he will never walk on this same street again and I believe him because it all starts with awareness and choice.

Awareness and choice. Yes, life happens. Yes, it can be painful. Yes, some things cannot be prevented. And yes, you are responsible for the way you react to what is happening. 

You may not be able to change what happens to you but you may want to be aware when the same or similar things happen and happen again.
What is different if you consider that life doesn’t happen to you but for you?

Alice is one of my client. Her dad passed away when she was very young and, being the oldest, she had to take care of her siblings while her mom was working. Her paradigm as always had been to take care of everyone. Today, in her 60s, she is tired of it and she decided that she would stay single for the rest of her life in order to not have to take care of a man anymore. 

Who told her that relationship was about taking care of the others but herself? We discussed the possibility of relationship being fun, being a partnership, an exchange, where she cares about him and he spoils her. We even envisioned her having a lover and not a husband. I had the pleasure to see my client turn into an excited teenager once again. Love can be love. Love can be exchanges, fun, travel, joyful moments. Love can be what you want it to be. Just choose the street you want to walk on and enjoy.

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New year resolutions. Why is it so difficult to change?

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New year resolutions. Why is it so difficult to change?

New years resolutions have been full boom since January 1st. Today 4 weeks later what happened to them? Do you still go to the gym twice a week the way you promised yourself? Do you still take the time to have a real lunch at work or are you back eating while responding to your emails? Did you stop smoking? Whatever the resolution you promised yourself to follow there is a big chance that you totally forgot about it by now and promise you will be back to it as soon as you have more time, more energy, less work…

You really wanted to change but apparently it is not so easy and there is a very simple reason about that. You brain is on board but not your body. Let me explain what I mean by that. Only twenty percent of our thoughts are conscious. That means that eighty percent are unconscious. Our body acts according to what our brain tells it to do, which is influenced at eighty percent by our unconscious system.

Our subconscious is mostly governed by our paradigm (behavior and beliefs we are used to) and it likes what is familiar. Confronted to something new, it will usually react negatively even if we intellectually know that this new behavior is good for us. Let consider the usual culprit New Year resolutions, loosing weight.  If we are used to eat larger portions and we suddenly reduce the amount of food we put on our plate, there is a big chance our subconscious will not agree with it. We should be able to use our brain and convince ourselves that it is what we should do but it is an uphill battle.

The idea is to actually put your subconscious on board until your new behavior becomes a habit. Instead of ignoring your body telling you “but I am hungry!!!” -your body usually put on tantrum like a kid-, just acknowledge your feeling. It is the perfect time to get a good discussion between you conscious brain and your subconscious brain. It would go like that:

“I understand that you feel hungry and that you don’t like it. You feel angry (or any other feeling you are experiencing) at the idea that you wont eat this cake (or any food you’re craving. It’s absolutely normal. Any one seeing its food portions reduced would feel that way. But you know that it is the best for you because…. (feel up the blank: you want to be healthy, you would look sexier in your red dress…)”. 

If you still feel the unease in your body, identify where the uncomfortable sensation is located and breathe deeply while focusing on releasing the sensation, the tension in your body. This will reduce the conflict between your conscious and your unconscious brain.

There is many different ways to appease an unconscious brain that is not on board but the first step is always to accept your feeling because every feeling is short lived unless resisted to. Once you appease your subconscious, it will be way easier to get your motivation back on board and to fulfill you 2015 resolutions so what are you waiting for?

 This article was based on the book “Renaissance Woman: a feminine midlife crisis form loss of identity to rebirth” by Fabienne Slama. For more information go to www.renaissancewomanbook.com. If you would like to work with Fabienne on a special challenge contact her on fabienne@pathtoperfectself.com.

 

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Tata Dolly

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Tata Dolly

Dolly is dead. There is no way not to write about that. Dolly was our family writer. She was our poet. She was our revolutionary spirit. She was my aunt: Tata Dolly.

She was a petite woman with a strong spirit. She was the one who could scream swear worlds on the top of her lungs when she felt mistreated. She was the one who taught us that we could say: “merde et va te faire foutre” to anyone who will try to prevent us to become who we wanted to be. With her long red hair she would be the one to show us the path toward feminism. She had six sisters (including my mom) and brought into this planet three daughter. And she was proud of that, because she knew that women are strong, that women are beautiful, that women are powerful.

She believed that women had the duty to be educated. She worked as a seamstress with her husband but, when she was not sawing, she was the first one to go to the library. She was walking into book signings and conferences and demanded attention. She always had something to say, always something to learn, always something to teach. In her forties she started sculpting and she was one of my inspiration as an artist. She was a free spirit. Nobody could tell her what to do, how to do it unless she could prove her she knew what she was talking about. We would have the longest conversations. She loved to argue, to dismantle a sentence, to analyze a parabola, to go on a runt about politics, literature or the last movie.

She was the memory of the sisterhood, of the Adida sister’s tribe. She was proud of the fact that they were all girls but their baby brother. She was the one telling me their stories and I’d better listen because as a girl I belonged to this tribe. And I’d better act as a strong girl because I was one of them. Dolly my revolutionary aunty. You started disappearing few years ago when your mind could not follow your soul anymore. Alzheimer unfortunately took your bright thoughts away from us when we could have learned some more from you, but even when your thoughts were not coherent anymore we could still hear your fierceness. Today your spirit decided to follow your soul and we will miss you but I know that each time I will fight for what I believe in, there will be a little bit of your teaching inside of me.

From left to right: Michou, Mona (my mom), Poupette, Dolly, Josette. Ginette and Claude are not on this picture.

From left to right: Michou, Mona (my mom), Poupette, Dolly, Josette. Ginette and Claude are not on this picture.

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