I was married for 20 years to a French man and lived in the U.S. for over 15 years when I became single. It was not easy considering going back to dating when my memories of it were from the 80s, from me being young and pretty and from conversations in a language I fully mastered. It took me a lot of courage and a touch of “folie” to post my first profile on a dating site, and probably even more to go to my first single’s event, but after a couple of good and great relationships, here is what I’ve learned from the men I met: French girls have a “Je ne sais quoi” that makes us attractive.
As more and more women are asking my secret to report only great men in my journey, I thought hard and strong about what makes us "French girls" so "attractive " to men. Here are my 10 dating secrets from a French Lady. Try them, they might work for you too even if you don’t have the accent.
1- The smile
Maybe the Mona Lisa inspired us. Our moms pounded it into our brain since we are little: if you are a girl, it is expected from you to be pretty and smile. Smile when you are happy and still smile when you are sad. Being grumpy is never attractive and it doesn't make your life better. Men like a girl who smiles, and you will feel better when you do.
2- Be pretty, feel pretty
French women take care of their appearance. It’s called French elegance. Going out in the streets of Paris in your PJs and sneakers with no makeup is a big no-no. French women like to look pretty in any circumstances, even to go to the supermarket or to the park with our kids. It is not about attracting men but more about feeling proud of our external image as much as our internal one. On top of that, the "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" expression does also exist in French.
3- The glamour attitude
Talking about internal appearance, French women are often described as snotty. It is not true. We know who we are. We know our value and what we have to offer in a relationship. If you don't want it, it's your loss. If you want it and we want it too, you are a lucky man. French women are raised to be independent and to use their brainpower as much as their beauty.
4- A rose with thorns
We are not afraid of men. Boys and girls interact from a very young age with way fewer taboos than in the U.S. If a little girl reports to her teacher that a boy is bothering her, there is a good chance that the teacher will tell her to find her solution or to fight back. Of course if there is bullying or totally inappropriate behavior, an adult will intervene, but only as a last resort. Men, beware, for we have nails, teeth and can kick you down with a piercing glare that is both charming and dangerous
5- The freedom spirit
We don't need someone to make us happy and we need our space too. Look at French moms at the park with their kids: they are chatting while kids play among themselves. It helps us grow this sense of independence and adventure pretty early on.
6- Romanticism was invented in France
French women are desperately romantic. This is a given right coming from being born French. Romantic culture is not only taught but also praised from a very young age. Do we kiss better? I don't know but we sure enjoy it. What is also certain is that we love to flirt. A wink, a smile and here we go.
7- Sexy? Oh yes!
We like being sexy. Being sensuous and sexy is not frown upon as dirty but more praised as a way to express beautiful esthetics. And I apologize to American designers but French lingerie (and Italian one) is definitely nicer than anything you can find in the U.S. Just be careful: sexy yes, trashy NEVER! Don’t reveal too much, you show the appetizer but never give the dessert right away.
8- No expectation
We don't look for the Prince Charming. Let me take it back, we don't always. Yes, we love to be in love, and finding the perfect one is on our radar; but we also enjoy friends, friends with benefits, romantic partners, passionate flings. The word "dating" doesn't exist in French. We have acquaintances, friends, and lovers. This “in between game” called dating that I discovered in the U.S. simply doesn't exist. If you kiss, you are lovers and if it ends after a couple of kisses it is not the end of the world, there will be always another one.
9- Love, love, love
Taking about kissing, we are epicurean. We enjoy our food, drinks, and we enjoy kissing and sex. Don't tell a French girl to pass on a great dessert, serve her only the best champagne and she will be happy. Kiss her passionately and she may show you that enjoying sex is not an exclusive male privilege. We do too, but only with the right man.
10- Hard to get? No. Just special
We know what we want. As I said earlier we know our value, but we also know what we are looking for. We want it all: the handsome, smart, successful, romantic guy who will treat us like the queen we are. And do not worry, we will grateful for who you are. We will pay attention to being at our best every time we can, we will treat you nicely and make you feel special because you are. If not, you’re out...
One misconception is French are unfaithful. We are usually in committed relationships but if you are not on board, or if we don’t believe in the relationship, we will look for the next one. As my girlfriends say: a good boyfriend is enough to make us happy but if he doesn't bring us what we want, we need three okay ones. No hard feelings ;-)
Are you ready for love? So here is my last tip: be yourself and find your own “je ne sais quoi”.
With love, Fab
Fab is the founder of FabYOUlicious a Life passion and date coaching service focusing on supporting women who feel unworthy of love after a divorce, helping them feel self confident, put sexy into their life and support them to approach the world of dating with excitement instead of fear.
She is also the author of Renaissance Woman: A feminine midlife crisis from loss of identity to rebirth, a book helping all women lost in midlife crisis to reconnect with who they are and to create the woman they would like to be.
Today, Fab’s new program "Date like a French lady” is inspiring many women to put “Love” back in their life by transforming from the inside out, knowing what they want from a relationship and looking but mostly feeling Fabyoulicious.