Couple of days ago, I had a drink with A. Why is it so important? Simply because A. was the first man I considered dating when my husband and I had just separated. It was just 7 weeks after the day he passed the doors out with his suitcases full of clothes and memories of our life together.
I wanted to be okay. I wanted to prove myself I would be okay, so I signed up to on online dating site and signed up to go to a singles event. I went there, knowing that it was my point of no return. Knowing that it was the first day of my journey in my new life. I knew that I was entering this tunnel called future and I was moving my head help up high. I had my makeup on. I was wearing a pretty dress. I was feeling sexy, pretty and confident. At least I thought so.
Alex told me the reason he didn’t pursue me at that time was that I looked terrified and that he couldn’t find the strength in him to reassure me that the future would be good. Maybe he was right. Probably he was right. It was the first day of the rest of my life and every instants of that day are still so vivid in my mind. Yes he is right, I WAS SCARED! I was so scared even if I didn’t want to. I was scared of letting go of my past even though I had already done most of the work there. I was scared of the present, of going out it this world of singles. I didn’t know this world having been married from the age of 24 to 44. More importantly, I was scared of the future, of the what’s next when everything you thought certain doesn’t exist anymore.
Someone once told me one to many time that I would find “the light at the end of the tunnel”. At that time I couldn’t even see the entrance of this fxxx tunnel everyone was telling me about. The day I met A, was the day I found the entrance, and even though I could see a glimpse of a light I was so so so very scared.
Why do I share this story with you? Because I have talk to so many women who are, standing there, at the entrance or in the middle of their own tunnel or even looking for the entry. I tell you that because in the past 2 and half year I have discovered my biggest secret. Fxxx the light at the end of the tunnel! Who cares about the light at the end? This light is only good for one thing: it makes you move forward.
Would you like to know what else have I discovered? I have discovered that no matter how dark, no matter how long is your own tunnel, YOU have to let the light enter your tunnel. I repeat: let the light enter your tunnel and you are the only one you can do that.
How do you do that? Simply by being grateful for any discovery you make in the tunnel. By acknowledging your fears and accepting that it is okay to be scared. By celebrating the fact that you are breathing day after day, minute after minute. By living your present as if it were the only moment you have left because it might be in fact the case. By dancing in the streets when you feel it, by dipping your finger in whipping cream and licking it because it tastes so much better like that, by going to the beach and jump in the water in your underwear even when it’s cold because it makes you feel alive.
I admit, on that evening of October, I was scared. Since then, I have learned that the light at the end of the tunnel is not the goal but more a tool to light up the walls of your tunnel and let you enjoy the graffiti life makes on your journey. Look at those graffiti. Some are beautiful, joyful, and colorful. Some are dark and bring tears to your eyes. No matter how your graffiti look like, they are worth being seen, they are worth being appreciated, and they are worth being loved. Those graffiti are what make you YOU. Enjoy and do not forget to enjoy that you can dance in the street or simply breathe. Enjoy that you can love. Enjoy that you can feel. Enjoy that you are alive and don’t be scared of the dark. The light is in you. Turn it on.
Fab is owner of FabYOUlicious a life passion and date coaching service supporting women after a divorce to get their self confidence back at to approach the world of dating with excitement instead of fear. She is also the author of Renaissance Woman: A feminine midlife crisis from loss of identity to rebirth, a book supporting you: the wife, the mom, the professional who want to rediscover who you are and create a more meaningful life. She is also the author of the upcoming book Autopsy of a marriage: A journey from falling down to moving on. To find out more about FabYOUlicious and her books go to www.fabyoulicious.com.