Self reflexion

Two years. It has been two years that the man I loved announced me he didn't love me anymore. Two years. I can't believe it. It feels so far. Still one day he stepped away and our family of four was no more. That was so scary. What do you do when everything that you know as true disappear after 20 years? Nothing. You just let go.

He was a wonderful husband. One I wish to any woman even for 20 years. He was a good friend and fortunately is still in so many ways. He is an amazing dad to our boys and that he will always be. He chose a path less traveled and it was his choice and I respect him for that. He didn't do it to hurt me. I know I would never hurt me. He chose to live the life he wanted and that is his absolute right. Still, I had to let go.

 

It was not easy and then it became easier. Two years ago, I learned to walk on my own. Obviously, I started by crawling and stumbling but soon enough I was running throughout life. Faster than I ever did. Faster than I though I could.

I met new friends. Wow! So many of them. I met new men. Guys, I never thought you would be so great. So many conversations. So many sweet moments. I am so glad I met you for an hour or for months, I am so grateful for every single one of you.

I learned that I didn't need any one to be happy, that some time a walk by the ocean by yourself can be a pure moment of bliss. I discovered that I could step in a room full of strangers and still feel full knowing who I was. I would talk to those I never met before and open my heart only to see their heart opening too. I would walk up to them with a smile and always got a smile back.

And then came the days when I just stayed alone, working, writing, sculpting, doing nothing or actually doing one of the most important thing I learned: being in the present. Breathing, living, enjoying the air around me, the sounds or the smells we never pay attention to. Just being there. Just being happy. Just being...   

Just for a smile

Sometimes men approach women walking in the street with inappropriate comments. I find it sad and condemnable. On the other hand, since when did we learn to just ignore each other for being scared of offending the person we cross path with?

This morning I went for a jog and I started looking around me, looking at the kids smiling, riding their bike to school. I start looking at people in their cars on their way to work and I smiled. I smiled by myself and I smiled at them. Them lonely in this little box with wheels and they smiled back, all of them.

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I got a smile from a mom with her daughter on the back seat. I got three huge smiles and some giggles from three construction workers in a truck. I even got a kiss blown across the windshield from a stranger I will never see again. I didn’t feel offended; on contrary I felt warmth and love. After all as human being we need connection. Since when does connection has to only come for people we have been introduced to. Maybe be since our parents told us to be scared of strangers.

I am not scared. I don’t want to be scared. I wont put myself in a dangerous situation but I will always try to share a smile with a stranger. That’s what life is about. Just this instant when we see in each other eyes and we simply share a moment of joy acknowledging the presence of the other human being across from us.

Just smile at me, I will always smile back. Please do the same.