Sculpting Women Inside-Out

I approach the clay with no judgment. Only one intention: to express beauty. 
For the past 16 years, I have been the sculptor of women. Feeling women, Emotional Women, Sassy Women, Women in bronze and in stone. Every time I touch the clay, i can see the potential in this block of 10 by 10 by 18. Who will she be? Will she be an happy one, a pensive one. How can express what is inside of her? How can I express her message? 

So I let her talk and I listen. The silences being as meaningful as the words. I listen to her pains and her struggles, i listen to her fear of not being enough or of being too much. I listen to her perfectly imperfect expression and I let her live her full potential. I send her love. I send her peace. I send her life. And here she is. 

For the past 16 years, I have been the sculptor of women. And more recently I discovered that I could help those women sculpt themselves. Sculpt their dream. Sculpt their future. Sculpt their feeling. Sculpt the perfectly imperfect being they are and find joy, love and peace within themselves. Find this sassy attitude knowing that they are enough. Be okay being who they are day after day.

This is where Sculpture by Fab and FabYOUlicious come together as one.

If you would like, come to see us this weekend 1691 Grant Road in Mountain View as part as my Open Studio. Friday May 20 , 6-9pm, Saturday May 21 and Sunday May 22,  11am to 5pm.
 

With Love, 
Fab

Sometimes dreams do come true

Few years ago when I started my journey to become a Core Energy Coach and Hypnotherapist I had to write down what I wanted my life to look like in the future. 
All the things I dreamt of on that day became true one after the other except for one: I wanted to speak on a big stage and be an inspiring leader. 

This weekend this dream is becoming true. 
I was invited to speak at the Ultimate Woman Expo this coming weekend

October 3-4, 2015 | San Mateo Event Center (On the SF Peninsula)
Saturday 10AM ~ 5PM and Sunday 11AM ~ 5PM

Join me on stage Saturday October 3rd at 2pm. The title of my talk, of course is:

Date like a French Lady: the best secrets to get the relationship you want and deserve.

I will be there all weekend long to sign copy of my book Renaissance Woman and to get to meet all of you. 
Of course my friend and amazing Jeweler Elisabeth Michel will present her most recent creations and few of my Sassy Ladies might even join the fun. 

Do not miss this great event.!

The romance of Self-Discovery

Yesterday, a good friend shared with me this poem. 

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”  
― Portia NelsonThere's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery

He promised himself he will never walk on this same street again and I believe him because it all starts with awareness and choice.

Awareness and choice. Yes, life happens. Yes, it can be painful. Yes, some things cannot be prevented. And yes, you are responsible for the way you react to what is happening. 

You may not be able to change what happens to you but you may want to be aware when the same or similar things happen and happen again.
What is different if you consider that life doesn’t happen to you but for you?

Alice is one of my client. Her dad passed away when she was very young and, being the oldest, she had to take care of her siblings while her mom was working. Her paradigm as always had been to take care of everyone. Today, in her 60s, she is tired of it and she decided that she would stay single for the rest of her life in order to not have to take care of a man anymore. 

Who told her that relationship was about taking care of the others but herself? We discussed the possibility of relationship being fun, being a partnership, an exchange, where she cares about him and he spoils her. We even envisioned her having a lover and not a husband. I had the pleasure to see my client turn into an excited teenager once again. Love can be love. Love can be exchanges, fun, travel, joyful moments. Love can be what you want it to be. Just choose the street you want to walk on and enjoy.

New year resolutions. Why is it so difficult to change?

New years resolutions have been full boom since January 1st. Today 4 weeks later what happened to them? Do you still go to the gym twice a week the way you promised yourself? Do you still take the time to have a real lunch at work or are you back eating while responding to your emails? Did you stop smoking? Whatever the resolution you promised yourself to follow there is a big chance that you totally forgot about it by now and promise you will be back to it as soon as you have more time, more energy, less work…

You really wanted to change but apparently it is not so easy and there is a very simple reason about that. You brain is on board but not your body. Let me explain what I mean by that. Only twenty percent of our thoughts are conscious. That means that eighty percent are unconscious. Our body acts according to what our brain tells it to do, which is influenced at eighty percent by our unconscious system.

Our subconscious is mostly governed by our paradigm (behavior and beliefs we are used to) and it likes what is familiar. Confronted to something new, it will usually react negatively even if we intellectually know that this new behavior is good for us. Let consider the usual culprit New Year resolutions, loosing weight.  If we are used to eat larger portions and we suddenly reduce the amount of food we put on our plate, there is a big chance our subconscious will not agree with it. We should be able to use our brain and convince ourselves that it is what we should do but it is an uphill battle.

The idea is to actually put your subconscious on board until your new behavior becomes a habit. Instead of ignoring your body telling you “but I am hungry!!!” -your body usually put on tantrum like a kid-, just acknowledge your feeling. It is the perfect time to get a good discussion between you conscious brain and your subconscious brain. It would go like that:

“I understand that you feel hungry and that you don’t like it. You feel angry (or any other feeling you are experiencing) at the idea that you wont eat this cake (or any food you’re craving. It’s absolutely normal. Any one seeing its food portions reduced would feel that way. But you know that it is the best for you because…. (feel up the blank: you want to be healthy, you would look sexier in your red dress…)”. 

If you still feel the unease in your body, identify where the uncomfortable sensation is located and breathe deeply while focusing on releasing the sensation, the tension in your body. This will reduce the conflict between your conscious and your unconscious brain.

There is many different ways to appease an unconscious brain that is not on board but the first step is always to accept your feeling because every feeling is short lived unless resisted to. Once you appease your subconscious, it will be way easier to get your motivation back on board and to fulfill you 2015 resolutions so what are you waiting for?

 This article was based on the book “Renaissance Woman: a feminine midlife crisis form loss of identity to rebirth” by Fabienne Slama. For more information go to www.renaissancewomanbook.com. If you would like to work with Fabienne on a special challenge contact her on fabienne@pathtoperfectself.com.

 

Tata Dolly

Dolly is dead. There is no way not to write about that. Dolly was our family writer. She was our poet. She was our revolutionary spirit. She was my aunt: Tata Dolly.

She was a petite woman with a strong spirit. She was the one who could scream swear worlds on the top of her lungs when she felt mistreated. She was the one who taught us that we could say: “merde et va te faire foutre” to anyone who will try to prevent us to become who we wanted to be. With her long red hair she would be the one to show us the path toward feminism. She had six sisters (including my mom) and brought into this planet three daughter. And she was proud of that, because she knew that women are strong, that women are beautiful, that women are powerful.

She believed that women had the duty to be educated. She worked as a seamstress with her husband but, when she was not sawing, she was the first one to go to the library. She was walking into book signings and conferences and demanded attention. She always had something to say, always something to learn, always something to teach. In her forties she started sculpting and she was one of my inspiration as an artist. She was a free spirit. Nobody could tell her what to do, how to do it unless she could prove her she knew what she was talking about. We would have the longest conversations. She loved to argue, to dismantle a sentence, to analyze a parabola, to go on a runt about politics, literature or the last movie.

She was the memory of the sisterhood, of the Adida sister’s tribe. She was proud of the fact that they were all girls but their baby brother. She was the one telling me their stories and I’d better listen because as a girl I belonged to this tribe. And I’d better act as a strong girl because I was one of them. Dolly my revolutionary aunty. You started disappearing few years ago when your mind could not follow your soul anymore. Alzheimer unfortunately took your bright thoughts away from us when we could have learned some more from you, but even when your thoughts were not coherent anymore we could still hear your fierceness. Today your spirit decided to follow your soul and we will miss you but I know that each time I will fight for what I believe in, there will be a little bit of your teaching inside of me.

From left to right: Michou, Mona (my mom), Poupette, Dolly, Josette. Ginette and Claude are not on this picture.

From left to right: Michou, Mona (my mom), Poupette, Dolly, Josette. Ginette and Claude are not on this picture.

A beautiful house in Provence or a prison?

Life is often a matter of perception.

This is the house where I spent most of my childhood summers and where I spent most of my teenage years. A beautiful old property only 45 minutes away from Cannes in a small village called Pegomas. It was a nice place, with a pool and a huge garden and I hated it. Even today I can’t go there without feeling sad and oppressed. Each time I set a foot in this gorgeous property, I wonder why it affects me so much.

I came from Paris and this place was where my cousins were visiting once in a while to play in the pool. This is where I was helping my dad building a wall or taking care of the trees when I was a kid. This is also the place where I learned what solitude felt like. Yes, family was visiting but most of the time I spent my summers there by myself, inside this house. My parents where busy, my brothers too old to be available and then out to college. Pegomas was to far from any town where my friends were living. I had to walk in the dark to take a bus to take me to school and walk back in the dark to come back home. And yes it was scary.

As I became a teenager and wanted to go out or see my friends, this place became my prison: a beautiful one, too far, no transportation. So I sat there waiting for the days to pass. At least that was my interpretation of it. Maybe it was not exactly the way it was but it was the way I was seeing it, the way I experienced it.

Today as an adult I choose to change this message for few reasons. Countryside does not have to be synonym with darkness, gloominess and fear. Solitude doesn’t have to be sad and miserable. This was my perception as a kid and it left a trace into my subconscious. This trace I feel it in my body each time I go there or to an isolate place and I can’t breathe. Today I choose to let go of the impression it made on me. I look at that photo once more and cry over the young girl who was so sad, so scared and lonely. I am not this girl anymore. I am not a depressed, isolated, unconfident teenager anymore. I am an adult woman with more friends that I can count. I can travel over the world. I know how to see beauty in a tree or a newborn animal. I know how to appreciate the joy inside myself when I don’t have anyone around. Today I know that I am free and full of love, of life wherever I am. Today I choose to breathe.

Self reflexion

Two years. It has been two years that the man I loved announced me he didn't love me anymore. Two years. I can't believe it. It feels so far. Still one day he stepped away and our family of four was no more. That was so scary. What do you do when everything that you know as true disappear after 20 years? Nothing. You just let go.

He was a wonderful husband. One I wish to any woman even for 20 years. He was a good friend and fortunately is still in so many ways. He is an amazing dad to our boys and that he will always be. He chose a path less traveled and it was his choice and I respect him for that. He didn't do it to hurt me. I know I would never hurt me. He chose to live the life he wanted and that is his absolute right. Still, I had to let go.

 

It was not easy and then it became easier. Two years ago, I learned to walk on my own. Obviously, I started by crawling and stumbling but soon enough I was running throughout life. Faster than I ever did. Faster than I though I could.

I met new friends. Wow! So many of them. I met new men. Guys, I never thought you would be so great. So many conversations. So many sweet moments. I am so glad I met you for an hour or for months, I am so grateful for every single one of you.

I learned that I didn't need any one to be happy, that some time a walk by the ocean by yourself can be a pure moment of bliss. I discovered that I could step in a room full of strangers and still feel full knowing who I was. I would talk to those I never met before and open my heart only to see their heart opening too. I would walk up to them with a smile and always got a smile back.

And then came the days when I just stayed alone, working, writing, sculpting, doing nothing or actually doing one of the most important thing I learned: being in the present. Breathing, living, enjoying the air around me, the sounds or the smells we never pay attention to. Just being there. Just being happy. Just being...   

Just for a smile

Sometimes men approach women walking in the street with inappropriate comments. I find it sad and condemnable. On the other hand, since when did we learn to just ignore each other for being scared of offending the person we cross path with?

This morning I went for a jog and I started looking around me, looking at the kids smiling, riding their bike to school. I start looking at people in their cars on their way to work and I smiled. I smiled by myself and I smiled at them. Them lonely in this little box with wheels and they smiled back, all of them.

smile-please1.jpg

I got a smile from a mom with her daughter on the back seat. I got three huge smiles and some giggles from three construction workers in a truck. I even got a kiss blown across the windshield from a stranger I will never see again. I didn’t feel offended; on contrary I felt warmth and love. After all as human being we need connection. Since when does connection has to only come for people we have been introduced to. Maybe be since our parents told us to be scared of strangers.

I am not scared. I don’t want to be scared. I wont put myself in a dangerous situation but I will always try to share a smile with a stranger. That’s what life is about. Just this instant when we see in each other eyes and we simply share a moment of joy acknowledging the presence of the other human being across from us.

Just smile at me, I will always smile back. Please do the same.

8 tools to let go of negative feelings

There are many ways to let go of negative feelings. Each of them could constitute a book of its own so I will just give a short description of what they are. If you would like more details please contact me and I will be happy to tell you more about them.

The first thing to remember is DO NOT IGNORE FEELINGS. Take the time to acknowledge them and accept that they are sending you a message telling you to pay attention.

After that the best way to let them go is to MOVE YOUR ENERGY. This can be done in many different ways:

- Breathe. Deep breath will calm down your emotions and allow more clarity.

- Be in the present by breathing deeply and meditating.

- Exercise. Move your body: dance, run, punch, jump, stretch… Any movement, preferentially active, tiring and with a sense of rhythm will help

- Shake. Let your body tremble if it needs to. This technique called TRE (Trauma Release Exercise) is used on PTST patients by the military.  Under a major stress, your body may naturally let the excess energy express itself in the form of a tremble. It might look scary but it is a natural function of your system. Just let your body moves any way it wants and acknowledge that it is simply a way to let catabolic energy escape your body.

- Tap. This technique is based around the principles of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) consisting on expressing what you would like to see changing while tapping along meridians points on your body.

- Talk. Talk therapy has been a pillar of emotional release for many years. Traditional talk therapy tends to allow the client to express freely its feelings and find a solution by thinking about it. It is essential to not ignore the subconscious level. Sometimes wanting to change is not enough when your subconscious is not on board.

- Emotional Healing Therapy. This is an exceptionally powerful combination of tapping, talk therapy and self-hypnosis. You need to work with a professional at first who will teach you the skill necessary to do it on your own.

- Express yourself by writing, drawing, sculpting. Creativity can be a wonderful outlet.


THERE IS NO MAGIC BULLET. You might have experienced the feelings you’re experiencing for months if not for years. Do not be disappointed if your life doesn’t change overnight. It usually takes three weeks to change a habit but there is no rule about how much time releasing a feeling takes. The more you accept that it is just a feeling link to a story called your past and that it is not defining who you are, the easiest it will be to release it. 

“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.”
--- Forest Gump

 

 

 

DO NOT FORGET TO REPLACE YOUR NEGATIVE FEELINGS BY POSITIVE ONES. An empty space is created once you empty your pit of negative thoughts. This space in your brain will be filled up with whatever presents itself. If you let it empty, there is a big chance negative experiences will happen and fill up once again your pit with catabolic energy. Take the time once you release a negative feeling to replace it by a positive one. Think about things that you are grateful for, by meditating, by repeating a positive mantra, by doing something that you enjoy doing…

 

ACCEPT that once you let go of what you don’t want, you might have to spend sometime learning about what you want. Most of the time we let go of negative feelings and we are just left with a sensation of nothingness. After a period of intense sadness or anger you might feel a burst of energy. Don’t be fooled by this pendulum effect. The goal is not for you to be overexcited but more to feel at peace and emotionally strong. To reach this level, you will probably have to face a period when nothing really happen until you define the new you. This period feeling like a limbo is called the neutral zone.


 

This is an excerpt for my upcoming book: Renaisance Woman - A feminine Midlife Crisis from loss of identity to rebirth. You can find more about this book on www.renaissancewomanbook.com. You can also preorder this book today by contacting me on this website.