New year resolutions. Why is it so difficult to change?

New years resolutions have been full boom since January 1st. Today 4 weeks later what happened to them? Do you still go to the gym twice a week the way you promised yourself? Do you still take the time to have a real lunch at work or are you back eating while responding to your emails? Did you stop smoking? Whatever the resolution you promised yourself to follow there is a big chance that you totally forgot about it by now and promise you will be back to it as soon as you have more time, more energy, less work…

You really wanted to change but apparently it is not so easy and there is a very simple reason about that. You brain is on board but not your body. Let me explain what I mean by that. Only twenty percent of our thoughts are conscious. That means that eighty percent are unconscious. Our body acts according to what our brain tells it to do, which is influenced at eighty percent by our unconscious system.

Our subconscious is mostly governed by our paradigm (behavior and beliefs we are used to) and it likes what is familiar. Confronted to something new, it will usually react negatively even if we intellectually know that this new behavior is good for us. Let consider the usual culprit New Year resolutions, loosing weight.  If we are used to eat larger portions and we suddenly reduce the amount of food we put on our plate, there is a big chance our subconscious will not agree with it. We should be able to use our brain and convince ourselves that it is what we should do but it is an uphill battle.

The idea is to actually put your subconscious on board until your new behavior becomes a habit. Instead of ignoring your body telling you “but I am hungry!!!” -your body usually put on tantrum like a kid-, just acknowledge your feeling. It is the perfect time to get a good discussion between you conscious brain and your subconscious brain. It would go like that:

“I understand that you feel hungry and that you don’t like it. You feel angry (or any other feeling you are experiencing) at the idea that you wont eat this cake (or any food you’re craving. It’s absolutely normal. Any one seeing its food portions reduced would feel that way. But you know that it is the best for you because…. (feel up the blank: you want to be healthy, you would look sexier in your red dress…)”. 

If you still feel the unease in your body, identify where the uncomfortable sensation is located and breathe deeply while focusing on releasing the sensation, the tension in your body. This will reduce the conflict between your conscious and your unconscious brain.

There is many different ways to appease an unconscious brain that is not on board but the first step is always to accept your feeling because every feeling is short lived unless resisted to. Once you appease your subconscious, it will be way easier to get your motivation back on board and to fulfill you 2015 resolutions so what are you waiting for?

 This article was based on the book “Renaissance Woman: a feminine midlife crisis form loss of identity to rebirth” by Fabienne Slama. For more information go to If you would like to work with Fabienne on a special challenge contact her on