It's okay to be scared. Just enjoy the journey because it will be one toward happiness.Read More
Two years. It has been two years that the man I loved announced me he didn't love me anymore. Two years. I can't believe it. It feels so far. Still one day he stepped away and our family of four was no more. That was so scary. What do you do when everything that you know as true disappear after 20 years? Nothing. You just let go.
He was a wonderful husband. One I wish to any woman even for 20 years. He was a good friend and fortunately is still in so many ways. He is an amazing dad to our boys and that he will always be. He chose a path less traveled and it was his choice and I respect him for that. He didn't do it to hurt me. I know I would never hurt me. He chose to live the life he wanted and that is his absolute right. Still, I had to let go.
It was not easy and then it became easier. Two years ago, I learned to walk on my own. Obviously, I started by crawling and stumbling but soon enough I was running throughout life. Faster than I ever did. Faster than I though I could.
I met new friends. Wow! So many of them. I met new men. Guys, I never thought you would be so great. So many conversations. So many sweet moments. I am so glad I met you for an hour or for months, I am so grateful for every single one of you.
I learned that I didn't need any one to be happy, that some time a walk by the ocean by yourself can be a pure moment of bliss. I discovered that I could step in a room full of strangers and still feel full knowing who I was. I would talk to those I never met before and open my heart only to see their heart opening too. I would walk up to them with a smile and always got a smile back.
And then came the days when I just stayed alone, working, writing, sculpting, doing nothing or actually doing one of the most important thing I learned: being in the present. Breathing, living, enjoying the air around me, the sounds or the smells we never pay attention to. Just being there. Just being happy. Just being...
I have so often been terrified of solitude. As a child, I had to move and over again. Each time I would face a new school year with fear: a new school with no friend. Each year I learned to face my fear and approach those strangers and show them that I deserved their love and their friendship. As the years went by I moved once more, this time to United State, leaving behind so many people I love. And once again, I met you and you and you, my new friends. I thought that by not moving I would never be left alone.
Then life happened. My husband went to discover a new life, my son grew up and moved to the other side of the country, wonderful friends came and went. I stayed. I have been so scared of loosing my friends by moving and I discovered that staying in the same place would not change anything. Just this week, two of my friends left the area pursuing their own life.
Today my best friends are across the world. France, Switzerland, Turkey, Colorado and New York. I miss them but I am not scared anymore. I don’t see them everyday. I only talk to them once in a while but they are here is my heart day after day, minute after minute and knowing that, I am never alone.
So I decide to accept my own solitude. I decide to be happy on my own. Yesterday I went to a rock concert by myself and had a blast and learned that I could enjoy every single moment the way I wanted to. Today, as I was working, a wonderful couple stopped by and we ended up having a one-hour conversation. People come, people go. Sometimes I am surrounded by friends. Sometimes it is just me. But who cares? The only person I will have to live with for the rest of my life is myself and I love myself. I believe that I deserve my own friendship. Other will come and go. Whether I meet them for an hour or a lifetime, they will become part of my story and I am grateful to have met them. They will always be in my heart and if I feel lonely I can bring them to my mind or I just enjoy my own company. After all, the most important thing is to be your own best friend. Then you will never feel alone.